Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Week 32

Week 32
Originally uploaded by Stitching scientist.

May I rant for a moment ? Thanks, and no flames please, I just need to vent this out.
So my least favorite (and most oft asked) question now is "Are you getting excited? " Depending on my mood, I may lie and say yes but usually I am honest and say no, I am scared out of my mind. Why is this so shocking to people? Both those who have had and haven't had kids?

I was talking with Ian this morning and he feels as scared and helpless as I do. Excitement? no. I mean this is not like a countdown to vacation, or buying a house, or even to a big event like our wedding. I feel like I have entered a dark tunnel and on the other side I am told there is light, but I also know it is a giant rollercoaster that, now that I have paid for the ticket, I will never be allowed off.
Would I change my mind? No, I know in my heart that I would make this decision again, for I would ever regret not going through this most basic of human experiences. But for the love, stop asking if I am excited about my world turning upside down.

My shower is saturday and while it is exciting (who doesn't love gifts) I am also very fearful of it. I don't fake emotions well, and am scared I will seem cold if I can't manage a big Ohh and Ahh over every little cute thing. ugh.

Here is another pic so Bellastitch doesn't feel so bad about being big. Looks like a beer gut, eh? oh and those stretch marks, those are from puberty, nothing new yet.

Belly shot- week 32
Originally uploaded by Stitching scientist.


Bellastitch said...

Great pic! :)

I feel your pain. My co-worker (we share an office) is more excited about the baby than I am. I already have her lined up to babysit in July so DH and I can watch Harry Potter. I'm a little excited, but mostly, I'm achy and my belly itches and I wish people would just shut up about how cute and pink everything will be. *hugs*

Margaret said...

You look fantastic.

And you know what? Motherhood can be a scary thing. I've been very lucky in that most of it has not been terribly scary. My son and daughter (pretty sure you have met them both) are pretty cool little people. Though in my son's case, not so little (he is so close to being as tall as I am).

Anna van Schurman said...

I'm no good at showers. I mean, what do you say when someone gets you a crap gift? Here's the code. My trainer told me say, "Dude, check it out." So it became our code for the crap stuff. And now I bequeath it to you. All best for the next few weeks!

Lee said...

Stepping into a new life role is always scary, especially when you are responsible for another person's life, too. Will it help if I tell you that almost all of us rise to the occasion?

Probably no one, not even your parents, will ask you if you're scared...because they remember that they were scared and don't want to scare you.

Best wishes to you!

bunnyhead said...

It's very normal to be scared. I was scared out of my mind with my first one. I used to just tell myself that it all a very natural process and that my body and mind would know what to do. All the planning in the world doesn't prepare you for 'that moment'.

Don't worry about the shower. All baby stuff is adorable. I was worried about being the center of attention (something I do not enjoy) and even that wasn't too bad. Best of luck!

Cathy said...

I hear ya'. Sorry people are annoying. The question I hated was "do you know what it is?" I used to respond, "we hope it's human." We didn't want to find out if the baby was a boy or girl, and people just didn't understand why. I hated that.

By the way, I nearly wet myself with fear when we took the tour of the labor and delivery rooms at our childbirth classes. Everyone is scared, and the pregnant mom is never excited. Nervous, nauseous and annoyed, but never excited.

chiloe said...


I got the roller coaster feeling too but see, now I have 3 kids with 3c sections :(( lol My advice will be : get prepared. I was very afraid of the delivery and I think that's why I got a c section (how a baby can go through such a small space??? ) For my second baby, I started wathcing a "baby story" on the cable (don't remember which channel though) and that got me prepared. I watched many stories of deliveries and I knew i could do it too. Well, my body was not quite ready for that but my mind was !!! The classes at the hospital didn't teach anything (they were boring) The show was a great plus for me: real people, real deliveries, real life : sometimes they show unexpected c section, home delivery and so on ...

I wish you the best. You'll have time to be excited: when your baby will smile to you for the 1st time or when he ou she'll walk, etc...

xsquared said...

I'm terrified of motherhood, despite desperately wanting it. So, I hear ya.

You look fabulous, by the way!

Sharon said...

Beautful picture of you! I think it's natural to be scared. When the time comes you will surprise yourself. Best wishes to you!

Anonymous said...

Hey, being scared out of your mind is not neccessarily a bad thing. My son is 29 years old, and I still get scared out of my mind, lol.
See you tomorrow at the shower.
And by the way... I'll be looking for that code phrase. (lol)