Tuesday, November 07, 2006

I am NOT OK, okay? so quit asking


Christmas Chorus
Originally uploaded by Stitching scientist.

First the good news, here is The ornament I told you I was starting: Christmas Chorus by Elizabeth's designs. I did it on 32 instead of 36 so it is a bit bigger, and I used red beads instead of the black. I think I am going to finish this as they did in the magazine, blanket stitched on to a felt pillow. but that may be a couple of weeks.

Now the bad. I was in a car accident Sunday, no I was not hurt, yes it is my fault, and here begins my rant. I hate it, absolutely HATE it when people say, well as long as your Ok and no one was hurt. Why would I hate this sentiment, you ask? I am not really sure I can explain so it makes sense but here I go. First off if I am standing here talking to you then I am obviously fine, second even if the human bodies are OK that doesn't mean I am mentally. I am ashamed, and angry, I am upset that my car is "totaled" just cause the airbags went off and the cost of replacing them ($3,000!) is more than the car is worth. I am pissed cause I just paid my car off for the first time in my life am not making payments and angry that the girl I hit (who got away with a bit of paint transfer, not even a dent) is trying to get a ton of $$ from my insurance co. I am angry that my insurance will go up because of my stupidity. I am crying because I chose to take the road I did, instead of going straight home. I am infuriated that I may not get to go to the cross stitch retreat this weekend because I didn't hit the brakes soon enough.

Ever since I was a small child, whenever I fell down, I became angry at the person who asked me if I was ok, it is just an automatic irrational reaction. I think I was just displacing my anger at myself for falling. Once in college, I slipped and fell on my butt, my supervisor, came over, bent to my ear so only I could hear him and whispered "Can I help?" I was astounded, said no, and loved him from that moment on.

6 comments:

Christine said...

I'm sorry to hear about the car accident and that you'll have to get a new car. I hope you're able to go to your retreat this weekend!

Christmas Chorus turned out lovely!

Anna van Schurman said...

Can I help?

The freedom of no car payments is something special. Sorry to hear it didn't last as long as you'd hoped.

bunnyhead said...

I'm so sorry! I know exactly what you mean about not being hurt, but not being 'ok'. I hope it gets better for you! (((hugs)))

Lee said...

Sorry to read about your accident. Accidents are such a pain in the.....butt. (a bit of censoring there) Hang in there.

Melanie said...

Ugh. How crappy. Having been in a couple of 'my fault' accidents myself, I know all of those emotions well. Particularly the 'why did I take that road' question. Sorry to hear about your accident :(

Heidi said...

I am sorry about your accident and that your car is totalled. We have had that happen to our car too before and it was horrible. Sounds like you have had a rough week and that you really need the relaxation of your retreat. I hope you get to go.